In Regret

Though I bear this map, I feel more lost than ever.  I found myself when I was not guided, and I’m striving to cling to that which was – despite treading in the very opposite direction.  I am incarcerated by that which I have lost, and that which I cannot find.  I am enervated by this search, encumbered by the load I bear, arrested by the shadows and pitfalls which strew my treacherous path.  Wary I tread, preyed upon by doubt, as glimmers of crimson and grey shift through the wilderness.  I falter, haunted still by yearning and regret and apathy, pursuing the trail imperilled only by shades and vapours, yet hallowed by the ease of logistics, interspersed with an abundance of still fountains and acerbic berries.  I stride forward, yet I am motionless.  For this path is already hewn.  I walk towards this destination, yet I know it is not home.

In pursuit, I stray.  In treading thus, I flee.  In persistence, I surrender.

Though guided, I am lost.  It is not courage, but fear, which impels me.

10 thoughts on “In Regret

  1. oh my… this is beautiful.

  2. mrock says:

    It carries me through galaxies, even though my body is motionless.

  3. mrock says:

    Reblogged this on The Rocky Summit and commented:
    This is one of the most deeply, beautifully moving things I’ve ever read, if not the most beautiful. Maybe in part because it expresses my own conflict more accurately than I understood it myself, but I think more so because it captures the never-ending human experience. It offers light to guide the steps of those of us who are sojourning. May we all arrive at a place filled with peace and love.

    • Thank you so much for your reblog and comment. Sometimes we must relinquish the map, and walk where we are intrinsically guided, to find home – sometimes we must tread a different path to that which we are bound, though we may renounce our progress (which is, in truth, regression), lest we become misguided, and disillusioned with the road carved already for us. Sometimes we must simply wander, to truly find ourselves – and to find that place of peace and love, illuminated by the torch we ourselves kindled.

  4. Geo Sans says:

    even in doubt
    small light

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s