Sifting through these fragments I search for completion, tormented by lucid visions of all that once was. Lost in memories, I search to find a future – I search to find myself in that which I have lost. I remember every moment spent forging this vessel, bereft of blueprint or instruction. I hear still the blow of the hammer, resonating in the wail of phantoms. I see still in their hollow gazes the cowardice of thieves, as they fled in plunder – the very bandits I would have called my crew, cloaked in the guise of fellowship. I remember still toiling with rusted, frail tools and crude materials – I remember each fractured chisel and every defective component, blighted by time and storm, or squandered in ineptitude.
Travailing by night, the stars bathed me in their ethereal glow. The aroma of salt water was borne by the tender caresses of the breeze. I was lulled to reverie by the gentle rippling of the waves, dreaming of the ocean’s great expanse, and of glorious odyssey. The rain cascaded softly by day, to soothe my scorched skin. With fervour I greeted each labour, kindled by resolution, empowered by hope, despite the oppressive burdens of doubt and disappointment and fatigue, and the dearth of material, or the deficiency of body and tool – even as I was seared by the flames of the forge, or lacerated by the jagged edges of blades.
I remember the clarity which blessed my soul as I gazed upon the ship, wreathed in the façade of grandeur. The illusion of its strength enfeebles me still – the memory of its full mirage rends my soul. Embroiled in chaos, I am plagued by thoughts of harmony – reminding me of that which I no longer possess. Perhaps, indeed, it possessed me. With rancour I cherish these envenomed relics of joy. I remember the taste of rain with acerbity, as I flounder in flame. I remember the symphony of creation with loathing, as I suffer this dissonance. I remember the breeze with acrimonious longing, as I am warped by hurricanes. I remember faith with the despair of that which cannot be.
I strive to fix the pieces together, exactly as they once were. I search for peace in these pieces.
Clarity 